Thursday, September 18, 2014

In which I list my favorite Kevin Smith movies

1. Mallrats.
(via)
I like Mallrats because it's just a funny movie is an oddball plot. Brodie and T.S. spend an entire day in a mall and later, an indoor flea market (or dirt mall, as T.S. calls it). In that time they help derail a knockoff of The Dating Game, get several people arrested, meet a fortune teller with a third nipple, and win back their girlfriends. Not bad for a day. The cameo by Stan Lee is nice, as is the comic book references. The running gag with Silent Bob constantly crashing through things while Joey Lauren Adam's character is trying on clothes in dressing rooms always gets me laughing.

2. Dogma.
(via)
I could have easily put Dogma at the top spot instead of Mallrats, so consider this a tie between the two. What's not to love about this movie? You have Chris Rock as a forgotten apostle, Alan Rickman as Metatron, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck as fallen angels trying to destroy existence by creating a contradiction in the infallible Word of God. Also, Jay and Silent Bob are prophets, while Alanis Morissette is God. Fucking fantastic.

One of the things about Dogma that is so interesting is that at the time, Kevin Smith was a lapsed Catholic and beginning to question weighty things like religion and faith. You can see that in the movie with such things as the last scion (Linda Fiorentino) working at an abortion clinic and a woman playing God. I think Dogma is a heavier, deeper movie than the rest of Smith's movies, at least the ones I've seen.

3. Clerks.
(via)
I picked up the 10th anniversary edition of Clerks up 10 years ago, fittingly enough. It's a good movie that was funny, but not in the same way that Mallrats or Jay and Silent Bob were. The humor here was more absurd and in the case of what happens with Dante's ex-girlfriend, black. Speaking of Dante, the original ending to the movie where he's killed in an armed robbery is interesting, but I'm glad Kevin Smith didn't go with it. My favorite part though will always be Dante and Randall's debate about the culpability of the contractors working on the Second Death Star in Return of the Jedi and whether they deserved to die or not.

4-10. Everything else. It's not that I dislike the rest of Kevin Smith's movies, but simply because I like the above three more or haven't seen all of them, like Chasing Amy, which I want to.

Monday, September 1, 2014

Someone created a 3D model of Milo Manara's Spider-Woman pose...and it is the stuff of nightmares

Credit: imgur/reddit/the darkest pits of the abyss
That's um...that's pretty fucking terrifying, dude. Can you imagine being a supervillain and seeing that crawling towards you? You'll never be the same again.


Wednesday, August 27, 2014

I really am a profound idiot

In which I realize that knowing how to sew, I could have been mending all of those socks instead of throwing them away. I have trashed I don't know how many pairs over the last few years and wasted money buy more to replace them, only to repeat the cycle.

I am not the brightest, comrades, that's for sure.

And this is what happens when you hire an artist know for his erotic art to draw a variant cover for Spider-Woman

Maybe it's a parody of Nicki Minaj's Anaconda album cover?
(via Bleeding Cool)
There is nooooo way that Marvel didn't expect this to happen. Milo Manara is pretty famous for giving his art a sexual bent to it, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that he did the same with Spider-Woman. Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking his artwork in general, because it's pretty damn good. I just don't like his variant cover. The comic industry needs to stop sexualizing and especially over-sexualizing female characters just because they think it'll lead to more sells. Stop treating your female characters like masturbatory aids, you dumb fucks.

Here are some links to articles on The Mary Sue that can do this more justice than I can.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

SummerSlam 2014 predictions

Rob Van Dam vs. Antonio Cesaro: Why?

Prediction: Cesaro if there's a god. Getting reeeeeeal tired of WWE waffling on Cesaro.

Bray Wyatt vs. Jericho: Second time in a row for these two because WWE doesn't have anybody else for Bray to feud with.

Prediction: If Bray doesn't win, then they're burying him like they buried Ryback. Seriously, the man cannot continue losing PPVs and still be seen with a credible threat. To say nothing that a victory does nothing for a part-timer like Jericho.

Rusev vs. Jack Swagger: This feud is pretty boring and only barely kept afloat by Lana and Zeb. Even then, I could care less.

Prediction: Sylvester Stallone shows up and KOs both of them. Failing that, it depends on how much longer they plan on keeping this thing rolling. Swagger should win in that case, but again, who cares?

AJ Lee vs. Paige: If AJ wins again, then does the feud end and if not, what's keeping it going?

Prediction: No idea.

Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins: Will they finally get to fight? God, I hope so.

Prediction: Dean to end the feud and Rollins to continue it.

Dolph Ziggler vs. 80s gay pornstar Miz (Champ) for the Intercontinental Championship: Bad News Barrett got injured months back and had to vacate the IC title. For reasons unknown, they decided to give the belt to Miz. Not having anything for him to do after that, they put him in a feud with Ziggler, who likewise had nothing to do.

Prediction: FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY, LET ZIGGLER WIN FOR ONCE.

Stephanie McMahon vs. Brie Bella (or should that be Brie Bryan? Brie Bella-Bryan?): In a nutshell, Brie "quit" WWE months ago so that her injured husband could keep a title that he was stripped of anyways and this started a feud between the two women, with Steph putting Brie's sister Nikki in one handicap match after another. Eventually the two confronted each other on an episode of Monday Night Raw where Brie was attending as a fan. This led to a face off and Steph slapped the ever loving shit out of her. This, in turn, led to Steph being arrested for assault.

When Steph got out of jail and hardened by her experience like only prison life can (those must have been some tough few hours), she tried to convince Brie to drop the charges. The latter did in exchange for getting her job back...and a match at SummerSlam. Yada, yada, yada, Steph ended up giving both Bellas Pedigrees (which was fucking awesome) during the contract signing, but not before Triple H got dropped by one hell of a slap from Brie.

Then it all turned to shit with WWE's writers stealing one of the stupidest storylines not just in TNA, but all of wrestling history by having Steph troll Brie with the "revelation" that Daniel had been carrying on an affair with his physical therapist. TNA did something like this that involved a woman named Claire Lynch claiming that AJ Styles had knocked her up. It was a terrible, terrible, shitty storyline, but WWE decided to use it.

Prediction: I keep seeing rumors that Nikki Bella is going to turn heel on her sister and that'll set up a feud between them. I hope not. I don't have a prediction for this one because all I want to see is Brie using a Knee Plus and the Yes! Lock (both finishing moves of her husband) and Steph using the Pedigree.

Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton: I'm assuming that they're building towards a Reigns vs. Triple H match at some point in the future, but Roman has to go through Randy first to finish their feud.

Prediction: Roman Reigns.

John Cena (Champ)  vs. MY CLIENT BROOOOOOOOOOCK LESNAR CONQUERED THE STREAK AT WRESTLEMANIA for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship: I wonder who Lesnar's opponent is going to be at the next PPV? Please let it be Cesaro!

Prediction: Brock Lesnar. All the hype and rumors have him winning, but WWE could easily swerve us, but I doubt it. I've seen rumors that Cena is going to take time off to do movie commitments.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

I actually like Wonder Woman's movie costume

The only real complaint I have - and I've seen others say the same - is that the colors are too muted.

(via ComicsAlliance)
I can understand that they didn't want to go with vibrant colors, but there is a spectrum out there aside from brown and red dark enough to be confused with brown. I've also seen complaints about the pseudo-heels on her boots, but I'm not bothered by them. I like that they went with a leather skirt thing instead of star-spangled tights. It invokes the Greek hoplite vibe that Wonder Woman and the rest of the Amazons invoke. Speaking of warrior women, I don't see why people keep joking about the costume looking like Xena's.

In the end, the only complaint I really and truly have is that this isn't for a Wonder Woman solo movie. DC can kiss my ass and continue puckering up until the character gets her own movie. Their argument that making a WW movie would be "too difficult" or whatever is complete and total bullshit. She's part of their "Trinity" in the comics alongside Superman and Batman, and is probably the most well known female superhero out there, so they have no excuse.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

How did my predictions for Battleground go? Not so well

I got exactly one right. ONE.

Legend
Italics: Who I thought would win.
Bold: Who actually won.

Naomi vs. Cameron. Whhhhhhhhhy?

The Usos vs. Luke Harper and Erick Rowan of The Wyatts. This was a disappointment, but my guess is that they don't want Harper and Rowan to get straps until Bray does. Meh.

AJ Lee vs. Paige. Didn't actually predict a winner, but AJ winning makes sense because it set up Paige turning on AJ the next night. That heel turn was pretty epic, by the way. Paige gave AJ an ass whoopin' that you normally don't see from the Divas outside of PPVs.

Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose. Match ended in a forfeit because this match up deserves to be done at SummerSlam.

That battle royal with too many damn names to type out. Miz. Yes, The Miz won, last eliminating Dolph Ziggler.

I only hope this sets the stage for Ziggles to win the title later on. The two did have a real damn good match on Raw, with Ziggles winning, so maybe that's the road they're on. Of course, I mentioned the possibility that they might put the IC title back on Bad News Barrett when he comes back, so there's that.

Bray Wyatt vs. Chris Jericho. Dear WWE, please stop booking Bray to lose at PPVs. You have periously close to Rybacking the guy. I keep hearing stuff about some guy named Kevin Dunn - a brown-nosing lackey of Vince McMahon, from what I understand - trying to sabotage Triple H and his rising influence in the company. If the stories are true, then he's apparently responsible for some of the bad booking and burying of talent in WWE.

I'm hoping that Y2J simply drew first blood in this feud and Bray will prevail. Man needs to start winning PPVs or else he'll be tag teaming with Heath Slater a year from now.

Jack Swagger vs. Rusev. Well, the match didn't end in a clear victory for Rusev, but rather a count-out after sending Swaggie into a ring post. Oddly, the next night on Raw, Michael Cole either misspoke or tried to retcon it into a win by submission for Rusev. He did lock Swaggie into the Accolade (the camel clutch) and made him tap, but that was after the match.

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns vs. Kurly Kane vs. Randy Orton. The one match I actually got right. Yay. Now he gets to go on to SummerSlam and drop the title to MY CLIENT BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK LESNAR CONQUERED THE UNDERTAKER'S STREAK AT WRESTLEMANIA.

Another infographic: 75 years of Batman

75 years of his cowl, anyways.

(via GeekTyrant)
Created by Salvador Anguiano as part of something called the "Poster Posse" for Caped Crusader's 75th anniversary. It gives us a nice tour of how Batman's mask has changed over the decades and even includes the non-comic book iterations and Two-Face in his bat-costume for some reason. By the by, the Batman Unlimited one at the end is the title for a new toyline and maybe a new cartoon. Maybe. I think DC's probably filling too burnt right now to do another Bat-show on the heels of Beware the Batman being canned. Maaaaaan, that show didn't last but a minute, didn't it? I watched one episode and that about did it for me. I really wasn't feeling the whole thing with Alfred being about the same age as Bruce and Katana as the latter's sidekick didn't make any sense. Next time, DC should look to the old DCAU (Batman: The Animated Series, Justice League/Unlimited) for a reliable blueprint for a good animated series.

h/t XombieDIRGE.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

WWE Battlegrounds 2014 predictions

I forgot that the PPV was happening tonight, so let's get this thing out real quick.

Pre-show match: Naomi vs. Cameron: They used to be in a tag team called The Funktadactyls, then split like a week ago. Naomi can wrestle. Cameron, not so much.

Prediction: Naomi and hopefully they send Cameron back down to NXT for training or she becomes a manager or something.

Luke Harper and Erick Rowan of The Wyatt Family vs. The Usos for the Tag Team titles: A rematch from the last PPV. Rowan and Harper won a tag match for the right to another shot at the titles. Well that, and WWE isn't exactly bursting with tag teams at the moment.

Prediction: Rowan and Harper because as much as I like The Usos, the former need a run with the titles.

Speaking of Wyatts: Bray Wyatt vs. Chris "The Man of 1004 Holds" Jericho: Y2J came back for another one of his runs in-between touring and recording Fozzy albums and while it looked like he was going to start a feud with a returning Miz, he instead got into one with Bray. Ought to be good as both guys can bring it in the ring.

Prediction: Bray because Jericho is the perfect part-timer in that he's just there to help put over the new guys.

AJ Lee (Champion) vs. Paige for the Divas Championship: Paige made her debut the night after WrestleMania 30 during AJ's promo about retaining the title at the PPV. Paige then proceeded to beat AJ and win the title, which she held until June 30th, when AJ returned from hiatus (and her honeymoon with CM Punk) and won it back. Interestingly, they've been acting sort buddy-buddy with each other. Not exactly friends, but not like enemies either. I think the term is "frenemies".

Prediction: No idea. It would interesting if they traded the belt back and forth until it culminated in a ladder match. Either way, I just want them to form a tag team called Team Besties and go on the road, solving mysteries with Zack Ryder, Alicia Fox, and Dean Ambrose.

That bigass battle royal for the Intercontinental Championship with way too many names to type, so fuck that noise: Wade Barrett was stripped of the title after Swaggie threw him into a barrier and dislocated his shoulder bad enough to require surgery.

Prediction: Depends on WWE's plans with the title and Barrett.
If they plan on putting the belt back on Barrett after his return: Probably Dolph Ziggler.
If they don't plan on putting the belt back on Barrett after he comes back: Hopefully Cesaro because he could use whatever boost the IC title could give him.
There's a third option here - title unification. Sheamus is in the match and he's already United States Champion. This would be a chance to unify the two and bring back the Light Heavyweight Championship (as advocated by Okori in these two posts over at The Wrestling Blog). I don't think it's likely because WWE is too smart to let a title unification happen in a battle royal when it would be more of a draw as a singles match.

Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins: They've been feuding since Seth betrayed The Shield (and broke our hearts) and join The Authority. Dean has vowed to cockblock Seth every time the latter tries to cash in his briefcase. Both of these guys are excellent in the ring and are two of the brightest stars in the post-CM Punk era of WWE, especially with the absence of Daniel Bryan.

Prediction: Not a clue. I want this to end in a DQ so that their feud can continue.

Jack Swagger vs. Rusev: WWE finally got around to putting the "Real American" against the anti-American, pro-Russian brute.Swaggie and his manager Zeb Colter are now faces and it looks like the xenophobia and racism has been swept under the rug. I gotta say, I'm liking this feud because it has a bit of an epic feel to it. It isn't on that level yet, but it could be. Seeing Swaggie standing toe to toe with Rusev is just cool.

Prediction: Same as the Dean and Seth match, I don't want there to be a winner. I want them both to be counted out because they're too busy throwing bombs at each other outside of the ring to care. If I was booking this, I would have the next two matches between them end with no winner, with second to last match being a last standing match, which ends in a draw after they both lay each other out and can't make the ten count. The final match would be an "I Quit" match that ends up Rusev giving up while locked in Swagger's Patriot Lock.

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton vs. Kane for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Cena would play ball with The Authority, so they pit him in a Fatal Four-Way. Boy, they're really pushing Roman to the top pretty quick, aren't they?

Prediction: Cena most likely so that they can set up a match between him and...MY CLIENT BROOOOOOOOOOOOOCK LESNAR CONQUERED THE STREAK AT WRESTLEMANIA. *ahem*. Paul Heyman offered a Plan C to The Authority in the event that Plan A (Cena losing to either Orton or Kane) and Plan B (Seth Rollins cashing in his Money in the Bank contract afterwards) both fail. It's obvious that Plan C is Lesnar. My guess is it'll be at SummerSlam and Lesnar will win the WWE title.

On the other hand, it's entirely possible that WWE could pull the trigger on Roman and put the belts on him. He's pretty damn popular right now and they might just decide to bypass secondary title runs and put him on the main stage. The problem here is Lesnar. Does WWE really want to put the belts on Roman if they plan on crowning Lesnar at the next PPV? Then again, who's to say he'll even win. Winning the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and then defeating the guy who ended The Undertaker's Streak would be a pretty goddamn big feather in Roman's cap.

Let's see if I get any right again. I got all but one match right at the last PPV, so I'm hoping for a repeat.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...