Sunday, June 19, 2016

I hear tell that it's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll


I cockblocked myself in a dream last night

Last night I had a sex dream and everything was going great...right up till I woke up. I don't usually remember much or anything of my dreams once I wake up, but occasionally I'll bits if they stand out. What I can remember is was standing on the front porch of my house, about to go inside when this woman walks by. I should mention at this point that we were both naked. I've never been nor will I ever be a nudist, so I have no idea why we were in our birthday suits and not being arrested for it.

Like I said earlier, I don't usually remember much of anything about my dreams, but I do remember this woman more than anything else in it. She's African-American and about my age. Her skin was sort of a middle tone, neither dark or light. Her hair was about shoulder length, corkscrew curly, and the best way I can describe the color was like red clay, but darker. Her body was pretty fit - not muscular, but she obviously took care of herself. She had a very small bust, bordering on being flat-chested. I don't recall whether or not she had any pubic hair either because of bad memory or I simply didn't look down there. I'd say she was my height (around 6'2) or close to it and she had some freckles under his eyes that made her even more stunning. I've never seen this woman or anyone resembling her before in my life, so I have to figure that she's a composite created by my mind using different black women I've seen on TV, the internet, and in real life.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

I just thought of the worst possible job to have

Cleaning the donation rooms at a sperm bank. I imagine the cleaners put on one of those hazmat suits that scientists at the CDC wear when they're handling diseases. You know, the suits you sometimes see in movies with the air hoses in the back?

"Oh god, why can't they ever make it in the cup on the first try?"
"What the...how'd they get it on the ceiling?!"
"I knew I should never have gone to ITT Tech."

Friday, June 17, 2016

Why did Constantinople get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks



Of course I went with the Tiny Toon Adventures music video. I remember watching this when I was a kid along with "Particle Man". If I had known who They Might Be Giants were, I'd probably have become a fan.

The new Spider-Man game looks interesting



I originally saw gifs from this video and thought they were from a trailer for Spider-Man: Homecoming. I was like "why'd they change the costume so soon after Civil War?" Had I a PlayStation 4, this would probably make it on my "to buy" list. Of course, that's just a trailer with no gameplay footage, so this could very well end up being a crappy game. Still, the cinematics look pretty.

Literally every ghost hunting show ever

Ghost hunter: "So we set up a camera to record in this room because it has a strong presence for supernatural activity."
Me: "Sounds reasonable."
Ghost hunter: "We reviewed the footage after several hours and we found solid evidence of an otherworldly presence."
Me: "Wow, really?"
[Ghost hunter plays footage and freeze frames on a single shot]
Ghost hunter: "Alright, see that object right there? [points at something on the TV screen] That's an ecto-plasmic apparition, a ghost!"
Me: "...That's a dust mote, dude."
Ghost hunter: "What? No! That's totally a ghost, man! Incontrovertable proof that there's life after death and that all things supernatural are real."
Me: "Or that it's just a dust mote. That room hasn't been cleaned since the Ford Administration and was dusty as all hell."
Ghost hunter: "..."
Me: "..."
Ghost hunter: "Nope, totally a ghost."
Me: "Ugh..."

I will never not love iMac G3 ads

Remember the late 90s when Steve Jobs returned to Apple and saved his former company from oblivion? I don't because I wasn't into computers, but I do remember when my high school got a bunch of the then hot iMac G3s and iBooks.



Yup, taking a break from Tumblr

I don't know why, but that blog that followed me last night just rattled the hell out of me. Like I said, I've seen some weird stuff on Tumblr before, but that was just a whole new level of depravity that I never wanted to be aware of. I don't think I'm going to quit Tumblr completely. I might return or not, it depends on how I feel about it. It would be a shame to quit it forever because despite all of its flaws, Tumblr is a pretty good resource for pictures and what not. Just ask Cal. It would be a shame to give that up.

OF COURSE John Cena can speak Mandarin



Because he is a man of culture and refinement who wears jorts while wrestling backwoods cult leaders and dudes with bad haircuts.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Confession: I like Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe"

I was in a Big Lots1 today on a snack run while that song was blaring over the speakers and caught myself singing along under my breath and starting to groove a little. I'm not one to get jiggy with it (why yes, I am white, how'd you know?), but I realized that as far as modern pop songs go, "Call Me Maybe" isn't terrible. I wouldn't listen to it all of the time or with any real frequency, but I certainly wouldn't turn the dial if it came on the radio.



It manages to strike a balance between bubblegum pop, dance-pop, and regular pop music without going too far in any one direction, which broadens its appeal to wider audiences. It's a shame that this song has muffled Jepsen's music career by making her the Call Me Maybe Girl. Someone Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera managed to avoid that pitfall.

1: I guess if you don't have a Big Lots in your country, it's a discount store and buys and re-sells stuff that other retail outlets want or need to offload.
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